Day #21 of 21… Mission Accomplished!

I am proud to say that I have accomplished my 21 day mission. My goal was to go without any brain candy or soul slurry for 21 days, and I made it. When compared to all accomplishments by humans across the ages, it meant absolutely nothing. However, compared to what the average fly does in a lifetime, it was really something. I think.

That said, here are a few thoughts as I celebrate the occasion.

A great man once said, ‘If a man does his best, what else is there?’. And that’s what I am celebrating tonight. I did my best. I could not have done it better. So that’s my new theme… doing my best. I think it may be easy to forget that doing our best is very hard work. It’s being in the top 5%. It’s having a fucking blast.

Wow; what a great 21 days. The most amazing thing about this adventure was all the unexpected realizations I experienced. My reason for doing this was initially for my health. The real surprise. However, was how it impacted my state-of-mind.

This pause has been very healthy. I recommend it to everyone. Really.

Okay, all my cards on the table. Tonight, after midnight (in fact, at precisely 12:00:01AM EST) I flew to Amsterdam, Holland and smoked some Indonesian Bink-Chai grass, drank a few glasses of Wolf Blass wine and had a beer. For a night-cap I smuggled down a shot of Black Velvet.

I actually had a great time during my 21 days; probably one of the most important times of my life. That’s just a feeling I have; I can’t explain it yet.

I also thank all those who have read my posts, commented, and spit at me in disgust. I appreciate you more than you know. And love you.

I’m going away for a few days and then I’ll announce the next 21 day mission. I’m looking forward to it. I’d write more but my brain is shutting down; it’s 4:00AM.

Another wise man said, ‘And in the end it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.’ Abraham Lincoln said that. General Patton said the first quote.

See you at the next mission.

Day #20 of 21

An inch closer.

One more night and this trek is over.

I have had some time to think about my little accomplishment these last 20 days, and so, I am full of thoughts that never would have materialized had I not followed this path. The thoughts aren’t earth-shattering slices of wisdom; in fact, you’ve heard them before. It’s just that for me, the thoughts have transpired from just words to real actions.

And that is what I am really excited about. Actions. I know that even though I had my doubts on day #3, I still went forward and things started to crystallize. Why? Because I had a goal; I didn’t give up. Imagine if I could apply this template to other things? My business. My writing. My dreams? That’s pretty powerful.

I’m thrilled to have made it this far. As I have mentioned a few times already, I didn’t think I’d last three days. But here it is, the end to day #20, and I’m still clear-headed.

As I enter the 21st day, I’ll be thinking about my next 21 day mission. But before starting that next mission, I plan on partying with loved ones on a lake. I will most likely once again experience a hangover. Or two.

I’ll also begin a new love affair with a nine week old puppy. I have two wonderful, sweet and loving dogs at home, Thelma (my sweet blind dog) and Louise, but they stay close to headquarters. The puppy —currently without a name— will become my companion when I travel to distant lands; playing with the likes of Tesla and Otago. She and I will be great friends and I can’t wait to meet her. I tend to form very deep relationships with our animal friends, so this is such a treat.

Then after a few days, my next project, which will be revealed on day #21, will begin.

It’s past 2am, and I’m tired. It was a pretty shitty week, as far as my businesses are concerned, and I have to pay attention to that. Hmmm. I wonder how I might do that?

See you tomorrow… Allah willing.

Day #19 of 21

If you have been reading my posts, then you know Thursday nights my wife and I go out for a late dinner and a few beers. It started out about 15 years ago when Gail and I thought we needed to spend more time together; it became our standing date. I highly recommend it, especially if you’re raising kids and there isn’t much time to just hang out together.

Without the kids.

I was having another tough business day and had this amazing urge for a vodka martini; I could taste it. I envisioned myself bringing the glass up to my lips and inhaling the dirty aroma, and then tasting the sharp liquid. I love the taste of cold vodka; there is really nothing like it. No wonder the Russians love it.

And then I had a black cherry soda.

At Danny’s restaurant the proprietor, Mark, offered me a one-time special of free beer all night with my wings, the bastard. This time it was my turn to laugh. I can easily deflect the temptations now. It’s a nice feeling, as I come to the end of the line, to know that I have won. I beat the villain. I became the victor. I won the battle. I feel like a competitive swimmer who has the field beat and can coast into the winner’s circle.

This exercise has given me renewed confidence that I can compete with difficult challenges. Okay, everything is relative. I know there are tests in life that are orders of magnitude more difficult than not partying. But climbing a mountain starts with small steps, and sometimes, that first, rather insignificant step, is the most difficult. I think that’s part of the lesson here. If you think you can’t do something, why not accomplish something small first? For some, my little 21 day mission may be a very stiff wind, so maybe it isn’t drinking. But what about overeating, smoking cigarettes, or driving too fast? What I have found is that although 21 days isn’t a life sentence, day # 5 seems a long way from day #21, so it is a fair test.

Join me on my next 21 day challenge. Coming up. Soon. Create your own.

So many good things have come out of my mission; I can’t wait for the next one. The goals will be different, but the spirit will be the same.

So it is off to day #20… wow! I can see the shore from where I am sitting, and it looks awfully good.

One note: Ginger ale and wings go better together than club soda, in case you’re keeping score.

It’s Friday! Can’t wait.

Be safe. Be happy. Be a little crazy.

Day #18 of 21

I had several business setbacks yesterday. One potential client told me to go pound sand, and another found a way to weasel themselves out of paying me a fairly significant commission. C’est la vie, as they say. Still hurts. But the point to telling you this is that although it really did get me down for most of the day, especially in the evening, I had no ambition to grab a beer, smoke a joint or down a bottle of wine. How interesting.

So there goes another day. This day, August 13th, 2008, day #18, is the same day everyone experienced on the planet. It’s like every person is a story, each being written so differently, on the same day. Our relationships are one person reading a page of another or helping to write it. Each day we edit, rewrite, read and hit return. Our stories. Our lives. We are so intertwined with each other, and yet, we can also be so disconnected. What’s really interesting is that one person’s experiences can help write another person’s story… for better or worse. As I move along my timeline, people who I have the absolute privilege of being close to affect my content dramatically. But also, so many I don’t know and will never meet nudge my thinking and contribute to my story… my tone… my story’s ending.

I like to think of all the people who have traveled these roads before me, as books, finished, bound in a beautiful hard cover, sitting in a grand library somewhere. Imagine that, if everyone’s story, all their great moments and tragedies, accomplishments and dreams, written down for everyone to read. I hate the thought that a farmer in Tibet in the year 1022 will never have his story told. Although insignificant our individual lives may be in the grand scheme of things, as a body of work, we are profound and powerful.

And so I offer to you, the reader, who I may never know, the hope that my journey has given you pause in some small way. My hope is that I have contributed to your story. Maybe a sentence. A comma. A nudge. And one day in the future, someone reads the words from that day and may be moved in some new direction. And the story continues.

Three more days on my journey to somewhere.

Day #19 coming up.

Carriage return.

Day #17 of 21

What is so wonderful about each day are the amazing surprises that occur around the planet. With that in mind, here are some of today’s observations.

I just finished watching Michael Phelps win two more gold medals in Beijing and thought about how much pressure there must be to win. “Winning isn’t everything,” the great Vince Lombardi once said, “it’s the only thing.” Although I have never had that kind of competitive drive, I could imagine how using chemicals to win must be so tempting. In a way, it’s the reverse reason for overindulging with alcohol, blow or weed.

Some argue, and most of the time they are right (although at times overindulgence is simply because you have had a great day!), that overindulgence occurs when one is trying to take the edge off of a particularly mediocre day. So maybe today’s performance wasn’t one of those gold medal moments; I imagine even Phelps has those days. But for most of the world, mediocrity is the norm. The problem is that most people want to medal in something… so when they can’t, when life is a struggle and they get discouraged, they drink. Consistent overindulgence simply means something isn’t right in your life. That certainly rings true for me quite often. 

I look back on my reasons for partying too much and most of the time it is because I can’t seem to reach my goals; I procrastinate. Here’s the ironic part: drinking or snorting or smoking —whatever the poison— will guarantee I will never have a chance at a medal! So it’s a catch-22. I indulge because I am not where I thought I’d be by now, and my overindulging will make certain I will never get there. And the spiraling down continues. Thank goodness for 21 days.

What do Olympic and professional athletes do? For them, they can’t afford a mediocre day. If they are seen as mediocre, they are likely to fall from grace and lose their positions, jobs, and prestige. To avoid that, they drink before the pain. Their drinks are performance enhancers to elevate their position and keep them in the race. For the rest of us, we overindulge because often, the pain is daily and the results are the same each day. Mediocre.

Ideally, we should look at each day as an Olympic event. Whatever it is we do —like keystroking data into a database— pretend there is a Russian, French, Chinese and Canadian judge watching your every move. Go for the gold each time you key in one more set of data. You get the picture.

This brings me closer to my evil diabolical plan. It actually fits in nicely with my new 21 day mission, which will be announced soon to great fanfare.

It is past one in the morning. I am pretty tired. And it is the 17th day of my exile from indulgence. Although I didn’t win any medals today, I know tomorrow I have another event. In fact, several. And the judges are family, friends, clients, acquaintances, pets and creditors. So I’m in the hunt for a medal… and I know I’ll be up for it.

Everyday is an event… so go for it.

4 more days… can’t wait.

Day #16 of 21

This is the 3rd Monday I have been on this path… and so I am very much looking forward to ending this mission. I have learned a few things that are very important for the rest of my life.

First — I know I am not chemically dependent on anything (note: for those thinking about doing this, 21 days may or may not be the right length of time to clean out your system; everyone is different, so use some common sense and listen to what your body is telling you), and if I wanted, could continue this pilgrimage indefinitely… although we all know that ain’t happening.

Second — I now understand that I must give this incredibly complex and wonderful body a rest after any alcohol and chemical intake. If you read what I posted on day #7, you’d realize how important it is to honor this machine… if anyone reading this has not cleared themselves out lately… please consider doing so. I now know my body will only be as good as its maintenance.

Third — I think this has been one of the best mind-body-spirit events of my life only because it has taught me so much about myself and what I can accomplish. There is nothing like moving forward in your life when you come face-to-face with your own addictions and crutches… it is painful to learn, but liberating to know you can beat it.

Fourth — and this is the most important — I am going to savor my next glass of red wine, the wonderful aroma of ganga and a Belvedere Vodka, dry, up, with olives. I look forward to seeing these old friends again, just not as often this time around.

There are only 5 more days to go on this journey, but as we all know, when one journey ends, another begins. And that is what I’ll be writing about on my new mission. I will be announcing my new 21 day mission next week, so stay tuned.

That’s about it for day #16. Life is sweet. Even with its many challenges.

Enjoy the tough times, and you will really love the good times.

Ciao.

Day #15 of 21

Almost free… almost free at last!!!

I am now heading into the home stretch. 6 more days and I’m home free. And then what? My last night on the mission will be Saturday night… and then Sunday I’m free to be crazy again.

I’m thinking about hitting all the churches that serve wine on Sunday morning and sampling them. Church hopping. Hmmm. And then I thought I’d wake up Sunday morning and make a spicy Bloody Mary. With Grey Goose vodka. Nah. That doesn’t sound too great. Belvedere is much better. That is exactly what I’m going to do.

I have been thinking about my evil diabolical plan and it is quickly coming into focus. However, I will not unveil it until the last day. It will be the most delicious, moderate partying plan ever devised by a rational human being. People will be stunned at its simplicity and cleverness.

That said, I still have to create it.

Just rambling here… nothing really clever or insightful today.

But today is day #15… which means 6 more days to go. Pretty cool.

I’m ready.

Day #14 of 21

Today was a good day. Got some work done. Did a lot of thinking. Started a chocolate business.

But it was also a bit of a strange day. As the thunder boomed and the power flickered on and off, I had an out-of-body experience. It was like I was on a small boat far from shore. I couldn’t see where I came from and I couldn’t see where I was headed. All the things I was accustomed to were missing. The really strange thing —I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go back. I just felt that this new place, wherever I am supposed to land, is better.

Pondering. Fun. Peaceful. Quiet. Productive. Fun. Prosperous. Healthy. Fun.

It is interesting. My body has gone through its detox process and I am feeling much better. No hangovers. No excuses. Although I am still a momentum worker (I tend to work like crazy for a period of time and then I don’t do anything for a while), I am sharper and more productive. I also still take my naps.

So the question I ask myself is, ‘how do I take advantage of this while also enjoying an occasional party?’ I am developing an evil diabolical plan, which I will roll out in my final 7 days.

Wow. I’ve been clean… virginesque almost, for 14 days. I am fairly certain I will finish my mission successfully. That would be something, because, you see, I really didn’t think I’d last 3 days.

Interesting, life is.

Day #13 of 21

Today, August 8th, 2008 is the 40th anniversary of my father’s death. He found out at age 50, when I was 2 years old, that he had cancer. Even though he was told he’d be gone in less than a year, he made it to age 61.

In many ways he beat the odds. And I’m happy he did. His positive spirit allowed me to be with him about 5,050 days. I unashamedly say he is my hero. Precious days.

It is also the opening night at the 29th Olympiad in China. They specifically planned the first day on 8-8-08 because 8 is a lucky number. I thought about that when I watched the opening ceremonies.

What does one have to do with the other? Absolutely nothing.

So day #13 was filled with highs and lows. I always get misty-eyed when I watch people doing amazing things in competition for their countries. And of course I thought about my father a lot. I always wonder what he’d think of the world if he could come back and spend a few days.

Boy, what he missed.

Today was one of those days. I did absolutely nothing constructive and felt like I was bouncing around and bumping into walls. It was a day full of false starts and promises. At about 5pm, ‘quitting time’, I was in the kitchen with no one around. I was a bit down, and as automatic as the bills every month, I reached for my favorite Cabernet. Who would know? I would, I thought. So I read the label, thought about it again, and put it back.

To add to the wonderful test, my sweetheart wife came home from a 14 hour day and thinking I’d be down today, stopped and bought me a bottle of my favorite Cabernet. When it rains it pours. I thanked her. It’s still in the bag on the counter.

Ramble. Ramble. Ramble.

One constructive thing tonight: I wrote Senator Bill Bradley an email to see if he’d like to read my book, Late Whistle.

Boy, I am down! By now —on a Friday night no less— I’d be one bottle into it and just be putting away my bong. As I say this I realize I really don’t miss it very much. Quite frankly, if I suddenly found myself on a spaceship headed to Mars on a 5 year mission I know I could do without brain medicine. Knowing that has made this mission worthwhile. Now, I won’t wonder.

Like a current in a river, I watch as today passes from view. Soon it’ll be a distant memory, and then one day, not even that. But tomorrow beckons. So let us sharpen our swords and be clear who the enemy is. For if it is within us, he is clever and daunting.

I have no idea what that meant. I think.

Day #12 of 21

Here is it… my 12th day. And speaking of days, I calculated this number: 14,609 days ago I still had a living dad. The next day, 40 years ago, on August 8th, 2008, he passed away.

Although I miss him to this very day, I know his passing made me so much of who I am today. Fiercely independent. Skeptical of public institutions. Leary of corporations. Compassionate. Helpful.

I wonder sometimes who I would have become had he lived to steer me in certain directions. It’s mind-boggling when one plays the what-if games.

I look at my life today and know that at my age, 53, my dad was already facing death, with a young family in place. He did not have a chance to conquer his dreams; maybe that is why I am so keen on climbing that mountain for myself.

I have been thinking about my father’s 40th anniversary for some time now. In fact, I even considered giving myself a one day dispensation and drinking a toast in his honor tomorrow night. But my daughter reminded me otherwise. I think he would encourage me to keep moving along on my 21 day mission… yes, that he would be proud of.

So I end this day with anticipation for tomorrow. I don’t know why, really. Maybe it’s because I know I’ll be very sad; or just that another year passes by without the world slowing down one little bit to take notice that a wonderful man passed that day. It’s like watching a river; a fast moving current. You see it coming from a distance and then it’s there, passing quickly. Then it disappears from view.

Today is a Thursday night… and I’m at Danny’s restaurant. Me and club soda and chicken wings. It is the 12th day in a row that I have been clean of all my alcoholic and drug vices.

I’m happy about that. And I think my father would be too.